Marriage Counseling - breaking up

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Marriage counseling has been shown to help with reducing the possibility of breaking up, but even if marriage counseling fails to prevent the break up, it can dramatically reduce the emotional trauma associated with the separation. Breaking up is hard for a number of reasons, firstly a person is likely to feel like a failure because of the relationship failing. Another reason breaking up is hard is due to natural concerns over the unknown. Breaking up will make a person wonder if there is a possibility of finding a successful relationship in the future. How a person overcomes the traumas associated with a break up depends on how the separation is managed.

Marriage counseling - how to manage a break up

  • Give it time
    Quite often external influencing factors, such as work, will force one partner to change their behavior, making them unbearable to live with. Should separation become a reality, then the best thing is to recognise that this separation has been caused by "external factors". Therefore it is highly recommended that the couple stay in touch and try to be as polite and friendly as possible (via email, occasional phone calls etc). This is because the external circumstances are likely to change again and so reconciliation may very well be an option.
  • Step Back
    If marriage counseling has failed to provide reconciliation and separation becomes unavoidable, then the best approach is to start taking a step back from the relationship and gain emotional and physical distance necessary to prepare for the actual breaking up. But this time should also be used to evaluate as whether the separation is really the only option left.
  • Don't make excuses
    Don't be tempted to make excuses to justify the break up to a partner for anything other than what the real reason is. The problem with excuses is that inevitably a partner will feel that things don't add up, making it harder for them to get closure.
  • Avoid blame
    It is always important to avoid blame when breaking up. The focus should be on oneself and not the partner.

Understanding your moods and behaviour, marriage counseling and making up can help you to avoid the crisis you are faced with.


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