Marriage Counseling - Infidelity

How can you tell if your partner is cheating on you

There are a number of very obvious ways to tell if a partner is cheating on you. These include:

• A drastic change in self image (including the way they dress, shape of their body etc.)
• Unexplained absence (including working late, visiting friends etc.)
• Unusual and excessive financial transactions and expenditures.
• Unusual phone calls/ SMS (usually phone calls cut short, or whispering etc)
• Drastic change behavioral change towards you (they can either become exceptionally nice, or, cold and uncaring).
• Drastic change in sexual habit (the cheating partner, specially men, will loose their sex drive if they are having regular sex with another person).
• Unusual internet activity.

It is important that you understand that every person behaves differently when cheating on a partner, so there is no definitive signs, but in general, you will notice an obvious change in their relationship behavior.

How to recover from infidelity

It is important that you understand one thing, you can learn to forgive but you will never forget.

So how can you deal with the infidelity of your partner once it is out in the open:

1. You need to understand why your partner cheated on you. It is important for you to understand why your partner cheated on you. This is the first and most important step to your recovery. However, in order for your partner to be able to be honest with you, it is important that you practice listening in marriage counseling so that you remain clam when your partner is talking to you. It is also advisable that you attend professional marriage counseling to help with this.
2. You need to make changes to yours and your partner's life style. This is normally to address the root cause of the infidelity, such as:

   • External pressures, such as, over work, lack of money, stress
   • Not spending quality time together. If you and your partner are not spending quality time together then the chances are your partner will probably find someone else to turn to.
   • Feeling of being trapped or bored.
   • Your partner is not sexually satisfied.

3. Forgive
   
   It is important for you to understand that although you can forgive your partner, you will never forget. Forgiveness is important as long as you know you have addressed the first two steps to recover from infidelity. If you do not forgive your partner then it will come a time when your partner will get fed up with the guilt and the blame and leave you altogether. To help you with the forgiveness you must:

   • Think about the positive aspects of your relationship. No matter how bad things may seem right now, there must have been times when you were really happy together. Try to write them down. By writing them, it forces you to remember the details and to create a mental image of your time together.
   • Make sure you understand that your partner is truly sorry for the infidelity.
   • Recognise and acknowledge the part you played, if any.
   • Find ways to ensure this does not happen again.

4. Gradually build the trust between you back up.
5. Discover how marriage counseling and making up can help with you forgiving your partner.
6. Gradually build up your self-esteem.