Infidelity (or the act of
cheating on a partner) is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a relationship.
Infidelity is something that very few people can ever forgive but no one can ever forget.
It is therefore important to recognise the signs that a partner is cheating
before its too late. If a partner fails to prevent infidelity then it becomes vital for the couple to attend marriage
counseling for infidelity in order to aid with the process of recovery.
Signs of infidelity or cheating
There are a number of very obvious ways to tell if a partner is cheating, including:
- A drastic change in the self image, including improved dress sense, a sudden interest in getting into shape, excessive attention to self-grooming etc.
- Unexplained absences. The justification will often include working late, visiting friends etc.
- Unusual and excessive financial transactions and expenditures.
- Unusual phone calls/ SMS. Usually these types of phone call will be cut short when the other partner is present, or an attempt would be made to conceal the conversation through whispering.
- Drastic behavioral change, one which can either be exceptionally nice, or to the other extreme where a partner becomes cold and uncaring.
- Drastic change in the sexual habits. The cheating partner is likely to loose sex drive when in a physical relationship with another partner, which is especially applicable to men.
- Unusual Internet activities.
It is important to appreciate that every person behaves differently when cheating on a partner, so there are no definitive signs to indicate adultery, but there will usually be obvious changes to their behavior in the relationship.
Recovering from infidelity
It is important to appreciate that infidelity can be forgiven but it is not realistic to expect a partner to ever forget. In order to help with the process of forgiving, it is important to:
- Determine the root cause as to why the infidelity took place. This first and the most important step to recovering from adultery will be to ensure it does not happen again, which is why it is vital to discover the root cause of the adultery. In order to ascertain the root cause of adultery, a marriage counselor will often encourage listening during the marriage counseling sessions, for this reason it is highly recommended for a couple to attend professional marriage counseling in order to recover from adultery.
- It may become necessary to make changes to the life style, which may become necessary in order to address the root cause of the infidelity. The following are the most common examples as to why a person may submit to the temptation of cheating on a partner.
- External pressures, such as over work, lack of money, stress have all been shown to encourage a person to cheat on a partner. The act of adultery would almost serve as a release for these types of pressures.
- Not spending quality time together. If the couple are not spending quality time together then this will dramatically increase the probability of a partner having an affair.
- Feeling of being trapped or boredom.
- When a partner is not sexually satisfied.
- Forgive
It must be appreciated that although it is possible to
forgive adultery, it is not realistic to expect a partner to ever forget. Forgiveness is
important after the first two
steps of Recovery from Infidelity have been addressed. If the partner is not forgiven
then it will inevitably lead to a feeling that redemption is just a waste of time and the only option left would be divorce.
To help with the process of forgiveness a partner must:
- Exercise positive thinking.
Despite the fact that a couple will inevitably feel torn apart by the infidelity, there must
have been a time when they were really happy together. To help with the process of Positive Thinking, it may be necessary
to make a written note of the good times, which will then provide a mental image, and serve as a clear reminder, of the good
times the couple shared together.
- Should the partner show genuine remorse for infidelity then this must also be taken into consideration. There is no hope for recovery if a genuine feeling of remorse is ignored.
- The "innocent" partner must be open to the possibility that he/ she may have unknowingly instigated the adultery.
- Find ways to ensure this does not happen again.
- Gradually rebuild the trust.
- Discover how marriage counseling and making up can help with the forgiving process.
- Recover the lost self-esteem.
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Marriage counseling information designed to help guide couples in choosing a suitable therapist. There are currently a number of different approaches to therapy and as such it is important for a couple to choose the approach that they feel is the suitable.
This Divorce Checklist will provide couples with a list of the more important things to consider. However, it is important to point out that divorce should only be considered as a last resort, and only when all other avenues of reconciliation have been explored and been unable to help.
Understand the effects of divorce on children and what they may be feeling. Also, what the parents should be doing to help the children cope with the divorce.
PEYMA's Relationship Questionnaire is desinged to provide Relationship Counseling without a need to attend any counseling sessions. This approach is able to provide an insight into the root cause of a behavioural conflict, as well as, how to behave in order to be more compatible.
Signs of Infidelity can help expose a relationship betrayal before it gets too involved, therefore improving the chances of recovery. Identifying these signs correctly is vital as any misjudgement can in itself lead to marital disputes and feelings of mistrust.
Recovering from infidelity is not going to be easy, but an experienced therapist can help with overcoming this affliction. It is important to recognise that a person will never forget what has taken place, but it is possible to rebuild the trust and move on.
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