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"Just about everyone can improve their marriage.... They can learn skills to help them handle negative emotions in marriage. It's the discord that hurts kids," (USA Today, December 13, 2001)

"…Finally, 'Staying the Course' deals with marriage maintenance and has excellent chapters on the need for realistic expectations and forgiveness; the latter includes an imaginative programme-one of the book's many excellent exercises-to make it a practical reality. Highly recommended…" (Sexual & Relationship Therapy, Vol.17, No. 4, 2002)

USA Today, December 13, 2001: "Just about everyone can improve their marriage.... They can learn skills to help them handle negative emotions in marriage. It's the discord that hurts kids,"

Client Reviews

"My husband and I married in our mid thirties thinking we had a lock on good communication skills and knowing we were mature enough to really make this marriage work. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before we were "mired in muck". When a small conflict arose, we found ourselves so caught up in being right and fighting our point to the death that small events escalated into huge issues. We could feel the good things in our relationship slipping away and felt helpless to fix the problem. (This was AFTER reading probably 20 different books on marriage, doing the Barbara D'Angelis program, the Gary Smally Program, attending several couples workshops, etc.). Contemplating calling it quits on our marriage, I happened accross this book, loved it, then went to a PREP workshop. Our marriage is AWESOME. We actually know how to hear and be heard and have the skills to RESOLVE the conflicts. (By the way, note the "I". My spouse hasn't read the book and refused to go to the workshop.) I learned the skills and used them in our marriage and our relationship changed. It even works with kids, in-laws, co-workers.... Yippee!"

"This book has a lot of worthwhile information in it, however, there are some obvious problems with it as well. It makes some overarching statements like "70% of women behave", without citing the source of their information. In fact there is no bibliography. Thus this book should be viewed with a critical eyes, with the reader asking whether certain information really applies to their marriage. "

"Fighting for Your Marriage helps couples "learn to fight right". It teaches skills for discussing difficult issues safely and clearly and using ground rules to contain destructive arguments. It also includes tips for enhancing the relationship with fun, friendship, commitment, spirituality and intimacy. I know when I shy away from an issue, it later becomes even more of a problem since it was allowed to ferment. Not knowing how to discuss difficult issues makes them worse."

"This book is wonderful! My husband and I have read many marriage books throughout our 19 year marriage, and this one (read when we had been married for 13 years) made the biggest difference in our marriage. Though we thought we had become good at communicating, this book brought us to a whole new level. With the speaker-listener technique, the "speaker" feels such comfort in knowing that the other person has truly heard what he or she is trying to communicate. This is achieved by having the "listener" repeat back what the "speaker" has said without any judgement or defensiveness (this is key). The listener can find comfort in knowing that THEIR turn will come next, when they can then express their thoughts and feelings and even respond to the other person's original comments. There are certain "below the belt" comments that are prohibited, which lend a feeling of safety, so that one is not afraid to bring up volatile subjects. Often, before we read this book, I felt I had three choices if I was unhappy with something in our marriage. I could say nothing and put up with up it (bad choice #1.) I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, but he was often defensive and would become angry and not open up and truly listen to what I was saying (bad choice #2.) Or, I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, and he would see how his actions were hurtful and cry but not truly have understood enough to make much of a change in the future (bad choice #3.) This just made me sad and feel guilty and didn't change much about the situation. So, by implementing the ideas in this book, and adding a "Please do not get sad and cry" rule, it was as if a barrier on certain issues was FINALLY passed. If I could, I would buy this book for every married couple I know, those having trouble AND those who just want to enhance their already stable marriage."

"This book was cowritten by Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg, and Howard J. Markman. The inclusion of Howard Markman is noteworthy because Dr. Markman is an accomplished, highly regarded research clinician in the field of marriage and relationships. In this book, the authors attempt to teach the basics of successful communication within a love relationship. To do this, marital problems and communications breakdowns are described and analyzed. What distinguishes this book is that it doesn't just tell the reader what is needed for better communication. The book also teaches by example the steps to understanding and being understood. The authors use a variety of descriptions, explanations, and techniques to reinforce their teachings. There is, in fact, so much good material within the pages of Fighting For Your Marriage that it can sometimes feel overwhelming. It is perhaps the layout rather than the amount of content that causes this problem. The information is presented almost textbook-like and is therefore somewhat challenging to read. Instead of getting to the heart of an issue, there is a great deal of beating around the bush. This can frustrate and aggravate the reader wanting to get information and advice he/she can apply right away. Nevertheless, when you look beyond the formatting, the material itself is very worthwhile for the lessons it teaches on improving your relationships. The book teaches you how to improve your listening skills. Furthermore, it provides effective tools for handling disagreements. Finally, to keep the book from being too ponderous, the authors attempted some levity throughout the book. The result is a book that is not an easy read; it is a book that takes some effort to work through. Overall, it may seem quite a challenge to use this book if you're just beginning your research on relationships and communications. However, if you're already somewhat skilled in good communication techniques, then this book could be a worthwhile addition to your relationship library. "

"I found this book well worth a read. An excellent introspective and evaluation of interpersonal skills. My relationship showed signs of improvement before I finished reading the book. I would recommend this book to anyone willing to improve themselves and their relationships."