Marriage Counseling - Domineering Behavior

People who are domineering are often driven to achieve result to the extent that they are sometimes seen as control freaks. This is often because they feel they can't trust their partner to do a job right. However, this will inevitably make the domineering person feel tired and over worked, and its not surprising either as they spend a lot of time trying to control their "environment". In marriage counseling, the biggest problem a marriage counselor is faced with is to get the couples to recognise their flaws. In cases where one partner is posses a Domineering personality, the marriage counselor is faced with a difficult task as this behavioral attribute is often addictive. The person who posses this attribute is often addicted to the chemicals that the body produces to help us deal with crisis and dangers. Its also because of this "addiction" that a Domineering partner may refuse to change. Its always easier for them to recognise the controlling behavior in others than in themselves. The typical attributes of a domineering person includes:

• Stress
• Impatience
• Paranoia
• Aggression

Unfortunately the only time a controlling person feels a sense of relief, calm and security is when they behave according to their righteous inner laws. a desire to control one's environment isn't in itself a bad thing as, if this behavior is kept in check, then the results would mean self motivation, dedication and assertiveness. But, the behavior becomes a problem when one partner in a relationship tries to control another. That's when relationship conflicts can, and very often does, start.

People are often trying to control their environment cause they are afraid of their own internal chaos. This causes anxiety as their behavior is often to protect themselves against their worst fears. These fears often stem from early experiences or traumatic events. Many controlling people can probably pinpoint a time in their lives when they felt that control of their lives was taken away from them.

The way to stop a need to control one's environment is to consciously force oneself not to be on top of everything. Its important to recognise that we can not stop the occasional misfortune from occurring. One way to break free from a desire to control our partner is to have faith and trust in them to do the right thing. A Domineering person, needs to understand that trying to dominate a partner can sometimes have the opposite effect. A partner that is being "controlled" does often find ways to bring some control back by, consciously or sub-consciously, rebelling and finding ways to redress the balance. But its important to realise that eventually this desire to control other people will drive them away.