Marriage Counseling - Influencing your partner

In marriage counseling a marriage counselor will usually teach couples how to avoid being overly domineering when partners interact with one another.  One way to do this is through influencing techniques. Despite the fact that influencing a partner's decision could be deemed as being manipulative, if done correctly, it is actually a preferred alternative to a partner feeling as though they are being forced in to submission against their will. This is why influencing a partner's decision is sometimes necessary to avoid conflict or confrontation. There are several ways to influence a partner without them feeling as having been dominated or over powered. The following are ways that a partner can influence another's decision.

Stay on their good side before hand!
A partner is far more likely to be cooperative and responsive when feeling happy and loved, therefore influencing a partner should be planned in advance. A typical way in which a partner could instil feelings of happiness and love is to do something that the other partner will enjoy. Do be advised that the key to influencing is sincerity and timing in order to avoid feelings of suspicion and having been manipulated.
Start small
In influencing a partner for what could be deemed as a major lifestyle change or decision, it is advisable that what is being suggested is broken down to smaller requests. In doing so a partner will have time to adjust to what is being proposed and is far more likely to agree.
Demonstrate benefits
One reason people adopt a negative response towards new ideas is because of fear of the unknown and the potential risks involved. Therefore by demonstrating the benefits of what is being suggested, a partner is able to manage these negative feelings by demonstrating that careful consideration has been given to risks involved versus the benefits of what is being suggested.
Provide reassurance
In influencing a partner it is far more likely to achieve result when reassurance is provided by means of demonstrating how others have also benefited from what is being suggested. In doing so it will be far more beneficial if references to friends and relatives should be used, as the partner is more likely to relate to them.
The "fear" motivation
Influencing through fear does not mean threatening a partner into submission. Most people fear loss more than the unknown. Therefore by demonstrating what a partner could potentially stand to loose can sometimes help to influence their decision.
Do NOT threaten or use force
It is important to resist the temptation to "force" a partner into submission. This domineering behavior will inevitably lead to conflict, retaliation and resentment.

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