marriage counseling - Listening Skill

So what are the steps to an effective listening?

1. Focus on understanding.

   Most people worry more about what they want to say rather than what is being said. Unfortunately, because of this, we tend not to actually bother to listen to what our partner has to say (commonly known as "selective listening"). Selective listening is when we tend to hear only what we want to hear. How many times have you had to repeat yourself in an argument, feeling frustrated as a result. Its frustrating to feel that your partner doesn't listen to you. The chances are, your partner also feels the same about you. This frustration and anger will only fuel the topic of any argument further. The key to any successful listening is concentrating on understanding what your partner is trying to say, or convey, rather than how you are going to answer.

2. Be comfortable with silence.

   Most people find silence in a conversation very uncomfortable and try to make up for this by "talking". Silence can therefore be used very effectively to encourage your partner to say all that they feel inside. If you maintain eye contact and do not interrupt your partner, then in effect your partner would feel encouraged to talk freely to ensure they communicate everything that needs to be said.

3. Give timely feedback and cues.

   It is important that your partner feels you are listening to everything they have to say, and that you are not silent because you are day dreaming or blanking them! Ideally these cues are subtle, using body language (such as nodding at appropriate times) or meaningful timely comments and questions.

4. Don't compare.

   The successful listening is about encouraging your partner to speak everything they want to communicate. Therefore, it is important to resist the urge to counter what you are told with an anecdote from your own life. By doing so, you are bringing to focus back on to you rather than maintaining it on your partner to ensure they can say all that there is to be said.