marriage counseling - Perfectionist

Perfectionism affects most of us to some degree, but, at its most extreme, it can be dangerous or even deadly. Perfectionism is often a factor in:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Social phobias
• Eating disorders
• Suicide

In a marriage, Perfectionist people find it hard to take things easy and as they come. They tend not to "roll with the punches" and therefore find it hard to move on. This is because perfectionist people tend to have high standards, of themselves and others, and won't give them up with out a fight. But what causes a person to become a Perfectionist? If you are a perfectionist then you need to think about the root cause of your fears. These fears are often caused by inborn tendencies of obsessiveness and anxiety. Another factor is the unusual sensitivity to the perceptions of others of you. However, the latest research has shown that one factor is also to do with genetics.

Research carried out by University of Florida has shown that to a perfectionist, the absence of praise is seen as criticism. This often stems from childhood, where a gifted child who are over praised, or rewarded solely for achievements, grow up to associate love with high performance. Once seeded, perfectionism is fed by modern society. This approach to life means that a perfectionist person also has high expectations of their marriage, and when our partner doesn't measure up, they end up feeling disappointed and feel like a failure. The problem is that perfectionist people have "unrealistic" standards.

People need to understand that the term Perfectionist is a generic term describing three types of Perfectionism, these are:

• Self-oriented Perfectionist

  Self-oriented perfectionist people tend to have unusually high expectations and standards of themselves.

  More detail: Self-oriented Perfectionist

• Other-oriented Perfectionist

  Other-oriented perfectionist people tend to project their unusually high standards and expectations on other people. In a marriage this can quite often lead to some major arguments.

  More details: Other-oriented Perfectionist

• Socially Perfectionist

  Socially Perfectionist people feel a need to be perfect because of unreasonable pressures by other people. In marriage, people who are married to a perfectionist often become a Socially Perfectionist themselves. But, their partner does not necessarily have to be a perfectionist, its what the Socially Perfectionist partner perception of the expectations on them.

  More details: Marriage Counseling - Socially Perfectionist

The problem with being married to a perfectionist is that the other partner often tries to hide problems and mistakes from the critical perfectionist partner. This is often because the perfectionists too tries to hide their mistakes and failures, but, this game of "hide and seek" will result in a feeling of mis-trust between the couple. The other factor which may lead to frustration in being married to a perfectionist is that they tend to be too rigid with their life to have fun or indulge in any hobby. This is because they are often afraid of taking risks as they fear not being the absolute best.

To overcome your perfectionism, please see marriage counseling - perfectionism