marriage counseling - Solitude

• Make time

  Its best to aim for short periods of time every day, even if its for just a few minutes where you go some where completely by yourself and clear your thoughts of everything that is to do with your life (specially involving work, partner, children, bills, home, family etc.). The solitude should be a time for you to reflect on nature and things surrounding you and not your worries. It'll act as a break your brain needs to re-energies itself.

• Clear your mind

  Watch running water or simply visualising a place that makes you feel calm should help you to clear your mind of your daily worries.

• Let go

  Let go of your worries. Just before you start your "Solitude time", make a list of your worries for that moment in time, so your mind recognises and acknowledges them openly. Then during your solitude you must consciously "choose" to forget these worries.

• Abandon any feeling of guilt

  People often feel guilty during the solitude time. Its important that your realise that you do not have to spend every waking moment being with your partner or family. Solitude time is very beneficial to a healthy relationship. Try and negotiate with your partner to give each other breathing space.

• Don't force yourself

  Sometimes people with unresolved issues will feel anxiety or sad during the solitude time. Don't force yourself. Its strongly recommended that you consider talking to a professional about this. The same unresolved issues will eventually effect your marriage and your relationship with those around you.

The benefits of Solitude Time is that we can also teach our children to enjoy and profit from time alone. Far too many people forget the importance of teaching children the value of time alone, and feel they have to occupy children with activities to keep them busy. Children need Solitude time exactly the same as adults do, otherwise their imagination will suffer.

Avoiding Solitude is a natural response to traumatic events (e.g. bereavement). This is because we need time to come to terms with what has happened and almost drip feed the feelings back gradually. However, getting over the fear of solitude can be liberating. This will make you a confidant person as it helps us to access the inner thoughts and emotions that may be bothering us. Most people are far too busy worrying about their partner's and your family's problems to think about your own emotions and thoughts, until it becomes an issue. Time alone also enables you to initiate your own thoughts, instead of endlessly reacting or responding to others.