Marriage Counselling - Manaing Insecurity

Marriage counselling addresses emotional insecurities with the aid of a trained marriage counsellor facilitating a constructive dialogue between the couple. Through constructive communication a person is able to determine the root cause of any insecurities, which is often rooted in childhood and up bringing. If a marriage counsellor is not present when dialogues such as this are taking place, then the couple must ensure as to follow certain specific guidelines for a constructive communication as not to antagonise the insecurities further. Active listening is vital to determining the root cause of any emotional insecurity.

Causes of insecurity

Causes of insecurity is varied, but the most common ones are:

• Nurture - This is where a person's insecurity stems from upbringing and parental attitudes. Research has shown that overly negative remarks and evaluation of behaviour emphasising mistakes and short comings before the age of six tends to result in inferiority complexes and insecurities in adulthood.
• Physical disability or perceived disadvantage - People with a physical disability, be it actual or perceived, can feel disadvantaged in society. Feeling that they may be in some way inferior to what society perceives as being normal.
• Limitations in achievement - Success is a relative term, measured in perspective to other people's achievements. Society places great importance on being successful, which is often measured by wealth, Profession or unique achievements.
• Social Discrimination - Discrimination based on race, colour, age, sex, sexual orientation, religion or even family can lead to insecurities.
• Desire to be accepted or loved - This is primarily considered a relationship insecurity, which usually stems from a feeling that love is not reciprocated.

Overcoming insecurity and inferiority complex

In order to overcome insecurity or an inferiority complex, it is important to first ascertain its origins. In order to determine the trigger, a person should feel comfortable enough to openly confront any negative or destructive thoughts and feelings that may reside in the conscious or subconscious mind. These thoughts and feelings can often be extremely painful to confront, and as such, certain guidelines must be adhered to in order to promote a feeling of comfort and security.

If it is not possible to attend marriage counselling, then couples must ensure:

• When trying to ascertain the root cause of the insecurity, the couple must feel completely open with their feelings and emotion. To do this there has to be a feeling of mutual trust. The person with the complexity must feel that they are able to openly communicate feelings and thoughts without any fear or concerns. Nothing discussed should be used as ammunition in any future arguments, and under no circumstance should any personal information be divulged to friends or other people, failure to do so will result in feelings of betrayal and mistrust with in the partner.
• Exercise Active Listening to promote a feeling of calm and openness.
• Exercise patience, as the process of recovery should not be rushed.
• Try to consider all possibilities before deciding which may be the trigger.
• If a partner is helping with this process, then the partner must not show any negative reaction in response. Failure to do so could make the other person feel wary and self-conscious.
• Seek the help of a qualified counsellor or attend marriage counselling sessions if necessary.